Milk, Eggs, Vodka

If you know me well enough you know that the WWW and I are BFF. Its a god-send that it wasn't popular until I was out of high school and college because as ADD as I am, surfing through limitless blogs, websites and e-stores would have been the last thing I needed while trying to study. So here I am as a 30-something mom and housewife and the last thing I need to be doing is spending my free-time scouring the internet for the ultimate in random websites. But I think I've found it... www.milkeggsvodka.com is a website a man in St. Louis created by scanning in grocery lists left in carts and then commenting on them. What a gig... turning trash into treasure... he has a sponsored website and a book out in stores.

What I find hysterical about this is that whenever I create a grocery list at home, my biggest fear is that I'll leave it in the cart and someone will find it and judge me on my penmanship, spelling, etc... {like they'll know who I am}. I'm so anal, that most of my grocery lists are re-written about 3 times. The first draft is the scribbled list of random items as I run out of them or think about them. The second draft is me re-writing everything so that it is all in the same font {serif or san-serif, cursive or script} and dont' get me started if part of the list is in blue ink and the other part is in green marker. It all has to be in the same color and pen-tip. The third draft is written upon entering the store and is based on the layout. I have to wait and do this 3rd draft when I know which grocery store I'm going to since each store has a different layout. Of course, all bets are off if Roman is with me. For example, today we went from produce on the left side of Hen House to the bakery on the opposite side just to get a cookie to shut the boy up. Then we traversed back to the produce to start over but we passed the lobster tank and somebody just had to watch the lobsters. Near the lobster tanks, something I wanted to get caught my eye so I started the grocery shopping right there in the middle of the store. I then continued to the bakery side and wouldn't you know it... someone has to go potty... on the produce side. Back across the store. Shop on that side. Oh shoot. I never finished the other side. Back over the other side of the store. Oh lovely... Roman took his shoes off. Which of the 30 aisles are they in? Backtrack and find the shoes. Head back to the section I abruptly left and continue {and stopping at the lobsters again.} Oh great... back at the bakery. Someone wants another cookie. Imagine that. Nope. Oh really.... deafening shrieking? FINE! Here's a damn cookie. {I gobble one up, too. Mmmmm. it was M&M} So before we hit the check out, I hit the liquor section and get a case of beer and sweet tea vodka {have you had it mixed with lemonade? OMG!!!} So I head to the check-out and Roman is in arm's reach of the gum and candy. I wrangle everything out of his clutches and push him up so far that the only thing he can grab is the butt of the lady cashier the next aisle over. Oh awesome. Roman has discovered how to thrust himself forward and let his momentum move the cart. He's in front of the bags. Bags go flying. As my cashier scans the beer she jokingly asks if she should crack one open for me. I contemplate it, but decide against it... it is only 11:00 am, afterall. And wouldn' t you know it, I leave the store, go home, empty my grocery bags, take out my list and wouldn't you know it... I forgot my vitamins. Of course I did. Because it was in front of the health & beauty section where the vitamins would be that someone spotted a Mickey Mouse balloon he just HAD to see and I forgot all about the vitamins. School starts when?

Well I hope you like the Milk, Eggs, Vodka website as much as I do. You can go straight to the lists here, however, from the looks of things the book is a must-read because the guy's comments are just as hysterical as the lists.